Singapore Rats

In the final tune up for the Manila tourney the Brewerkz River Rats played a pair versus our arch-rivals, the Guzzlers.  Now, these Guzzlers are not the same team as the Guzzlers that frequents the various international tourneys, but there was, to be sure, significant guzzling potential and action involved.

No matter.  Despite Coach Mumbles’ physical presence in Singapore, the coaching duties once again fell the unfortunate soul who neglected to step backwards when the request for volunteers went out.

Game One started as so many recent contests have, which is to say crappily.  Once again the Rats eschewed crossing the plate for the first 3 innings, while the Guzzlers scored thrice in the first four innings.  And with the first two batters quickly retired, the Rats’ fourth appeared to be headed in the same direction.  But, three straight hits, capped by Silverback’s double saw the Rats gain the scoreboard.  Naturally, this success was short-lived because Brian Porter k’d with runners on 2nd and 3rd to end the inning.

Actually, Brian was something of a trend setter for the slow-learner Rats, as the team left runners in scoring position in every subsequent inning, too.  But we are getting ahead of ourselves here.

Having finally achieved a positive result and closed the gap to 3-1, the Rats immediately surrendered 2 runs in the top of the 5th.  The Rats answered with another run in the bottom of the inning, but left the bases loaded courtesy of the top of the order.  (Thanks guys!)

After holding our satan-loving opponents scoreless, the Rats tied the game in the 6th to set up a thrilling sudden death, winner-takes-all-the-marbles 7th inning.

Continued strong pitching from Phun Phil kept the Guzzlers from scoring, putting the Rats in the drivers’ seat.  And, after the Guzzlers’ pitcher loaded the bases with a pair of two-out walks, Chip-‘n-Dale stepped into the box.  Now, Mr. ‘N-Dale was 2 for 3 in the cleanup spot to this point, and the pitcher had not managed to throw a strike to the preceding two batters.  Alas, much like his recent choice of smoking venue, Chip-‘n-Dale’s decision-making left a tad to be desired, as he swung at the first pitch and flew out weakly to end the inning, stranding the hapless James Stanczak on third.

Extra innings are a bit of a rarity with the Rats so those of you who do not recall the specifics we will provide a quickie rule review.  To promote scoring (e.g. to get the hell on with it), each team starts with a runner on second base.   

To start the 8th inning, the Guzzlers quickly scored twice, putting the Rats in jeopardy of losing for the first time this decade.  But, with 1 out, pinch hitting Trot Wahba stroked a ball off the fence in right to knock in a run.  And, with a mis-play in right and a subsequent over-throw, Trot was able to score as well, tying the game.  But, despite getting Master Porter as far as second base, the Rats once again could not get the one last hit to end the game.

So we headed to the 9th inning.  Strong defense and pitching kept the Guzzlers off the board.  Needing but a solitary run, with the lithe and zippy form of Sport Playa Lafferandre ready on second base, Phat punched a single, but Senior Sport Playa was held at third.  Then, the hulking frame of The Beast Hufschmid filled the batter’s box.  The Beast delivered a solid single to right, and Sport Playa scampered home to secure the Rats’ 9-inning victory by a score of 8-7.

So, despite batting .381 as a team, despite the 1-3 batters going a collective one-for-ten, and despite leaving runners in scoring position for the last four innings, the Rats managed to eke out a win.  Just like we planned it out, pre-game!

After a refreshing break, wherein the Rats held a deep and meaningful discussion about the concept of scoring in the first couple innings, the team took the field for Game Two.

The discussion must have worked, as the Rats jumped out to a 7-2 lead after two innings.  The big blow came off of Steve Davis’ bat, when he bashed a grand slam to dead center.  The Rats continued to pour it on, scoring runs in every inning en route to a final score of 16-4.

A special welcome to new Singapore arrival and River Rat newbie goes out to Joe Kardon.  Joe – you can demonstrate your undying love for all things ratty by buying us a round next time!

Top-Notch Ace Number One I Eat Bullets for Breakfast Hitters:

* Trot Wahba – 1 for 1, 1.000; 2 runs

* Steve Davis – 4 for 5, .800; granny; run

* Mark “Look for Me in Manila” Harris – 5 for 7, .714; 4 runs

Gritty I’ll Have a Raw T-Bone Steak for a Mid-Day Snack Hitters:

* Joe Kardon – 2 for 3, .667; 2 runs

* Chief – 3 for 5, .600; 2 BB; 2 runs

* Chip-‘n-Dale – 4 for 7, .571; 4 runs

Solid Dependable No Nonsense Gimme a Ham Sandwich for Lunch With Chipotle Aioli Hitters:

* PHat – 3 for 6, .500; BB; 2 runs

* The Beast - 3 for 6, .500

Arty-Farty Will-o-the-Wisp I’d Like An Evian With My Watercress Salad Hitters:

* Brian Porter – 3 for 7, .429; K; run

* Chad Garcia – 2 for 6, .333; BB; run

* James Stanczak – 1 for 3, .333; run

* Eric “I’ll Coach First Base Only if the Runners Will Remind Me How Many Outs There Are” Levy – 1 for 3, .333; run

* Sport Playa – 2 for 7, .286; GIDP; (highly opportune) run

Uhhh, You Guys Knew There Was a Game On, Right? Hitters:

* Collin Toh – 1 for 6, .167; run

* Phun Phil – 0 for 5, 2 BB; run

Once again the Brewerkz River Rats of softball took the field versus our fine-feathered friends and arch-rivals, the Canadian Heads of Moose.

In what has become a depressingly familiar refrain this season, many Rats confirmed during the week, only to see a discomforting number cancel the day of.  Well, King Rat is back on Wednesday and will doubtless kick some major ass for all you flaky (yet not buttery) types.

No matter.  Channeling the spirit of the Great Ur-Rat in the Beyond (GURB), the attending Rats dug deep, tightened the laces, slapped the gloves and pulled out a top-notch batting practice and warm-up session.

In a startling reverse of the usual pre-game bonhomie, default coach and newly minted megalomaniac PHat gave the troops a somber reminder of their ‘talent-lite’ situation.  The combination of inward-blowing breezes, plus mushy balls, abetted by a near-total lack of team power and buttressed by a season-long history of hitting lazy flies necessitated a new team-rule-for-the-day to encourage line-drive hitting.  To whit:  every second fly ball a batter hit would result the hitter being compelled to purchase brewskis for the team.

(This was clearly a move of utter coaching brilliance, for there are only two possible results:  massive inebriation and/or lots of line drives.  Of course, your humble scribe might be a slightly biased interlocutor.)

Game One started as so many recent games have, e.g. a complete lack of offense in the opening frames.  However, trailing by a run going to the bottom of the 3rd, the Rats came alive.  Starting the inning with a solid single was Cap’n Ronbo, who returned to the field of play after rehabbing from his 612th surgery.  (Still can’t throw overhand?  Tough shit, pal, you’re starting at second base because there are guys even worse off than thou!)

Not content to rest there, the Rats next four batters also reached safely with all scoring.  Well, nearly all.  The Beast Hufschmid managed to complete the seldom seen baserunning daily double by committing two errors on the same play!  After running through a very clear and highly demonstrative STOOOOPPPPP!! sign from the 3rd base coach, Ol’ Beasto ran straight to the plate and interfered with the Moosey catcher, who had already dropped the ball, and was therefore called out.  More amazing, we were so stunned that no one thought to place the pink hat on his head!

Regardless of the baserunning delights and amusements, the Rats ended the inning on top by a 4-1 score.  Strong pitching and defense kept the Moosi off the board while the Rats posted another run in the bottom of the 5th. 

The top of the 6th, though, saw the Moosish Ones strike back.  El Beastie, who had been pitching a whale of a ballgame, suddenly lost the plate and the combination of walks and singles saw the Canucks load the bases and score twice.  It turns out, however, that Frank pitches better when angry.  We learned this because the coach went to the mound and ticked the Beast off.  The result – no further Mooses crossing the plate for the rest of the game, and the Rats won 5-3.

Most remarkable Game One stat:  No pink hats and no beers via fly balls!!  (In fact, only 5 fly balls in 30 plate appearances.)

So, it was unilaterally decided that the double fly-ball = brews rule would be made cumulative for the day, not per-game as originally envisioned.  Was this a sign of canny coaching to reinforce good behavior, or simply a crude ploy to get beer into the dugout?  You be the judge.

After a short break where the lineup was shuffled according to a secret technique that involves removing something from one’s posterior, the Rats lead off Game Two.  Chad ‘Still Searching for a Nickname’ Garcia started things off right, stroking a single and coming around to score the first run of the game when the following two hitters (HJ & Sport Playa) also singled.

Then, one of the rarest things in slow pitch softball NEARLY occurred.  With runners at first and second, clean-up hitter Shooter McGrath hoisted an additional piano on his back and manfully swung at a sub-optimal pitch.  What happened next can only be truly appreciated if you recall the theme song to Chariots of Fire and imagine the super slo-mo scene of running … of running … running……

Ground ball to third … the fielder has it … steps on third (one out) … fires to second (two outs) … <daa naa naa naa NAAA naa, daa naa naa naa naaa) … the second baseman fires to first … it’s gonna be close … the ump desperately wants to give the big punch-out for the triple play … Shooter is lumbering towards first … the fat white softball is soaring toward the open mitt … Shooter lunges, every sinew in his body straining … the first baseman stretches … annnnnnnnnnd

THANK GOD TIE GOES TO THE RUNNER!!

And the Rats avoid the triple play.  Naturally, the next batter flew out weakly and inning was over.

The top of the second started well, with Happy Place Weisgerber singling, but he got no further than second base.  The top of the third again started well, with Chad and HJ again leading off with a pair of singles.  Then, surprising choice of #3 batter, Sport Playa Bill strode to the plate.

Now, we give Bill a lot of crap, both in the dugout and on the website.  And all of it is 100% deserved.  But he has been swinging the bat well of late, so maybe he’d respond to the challenge with the grace and aplomb he so occasionally exhibits. 

Bill’s Game One Line:  single, double play, single.  First AB in Game Two: single.  Uh oh.

Well, at least he is a model of consistency!  And he did hustle home from first on Shooter’s two-out double in the right-center alley, so some measure of redemption was achieved.

More importantly, the Rats extended the lead to 2-0, though the Meese closed the gap to 2-1 in the bottom of the 4th.

The Rats doubled their tally with two runs in the top of the 5th on Chad’s rabid romp home when a mis-handled ball in the outfield rolled to the fence.

The bottom of the 5th saw the Impressively Antlered Northern Animals score four to take a 5-4 lead over the Rats.

In the sixth the Rats went weakly, with Steve “Ask Me to Go Mountain Biking With You” Kreutter supplying the apparently necessary double play ball.

Then, in the top of the 7th, trailing by one, down to their last at bat, with their perfect record for the decade on the line, greatness called.  After accidentally placing that call on hold, Ronbo answered with his third hit of the day.  PHat followed with a sharp single to right, and Dave “I Also Need A Nickname” Bosco loaded the bases.  Late arriving but psyched to play, Justin “The Ump Can’t Call Me Out for a Baserunning Blunder If I’m Not On Base (Right?)” Patwin hoisted a bat for his first plate appearance of the day.  The result:  a sac fly and a tie game. 

After a walk to Chad re-loaded the bases, HJ came through with another sac fly to push the Rats into the lead.  Sport Playa completed his feast-or-famine day by lashing a single to score an insurance run.  And after the Mooseheads went quietly in the bottom of the 7th, the Rats pulled out an impressive 7-5 come-from-behind victory to keep the string intact.

Most remarkable Game Two stat:  Again, no pink hats and only 5 fly balls in 34 plate appearances.  But fly ball brewskis were earned, so refreshment transpired.

Hitters Dean’s List:

* HJ Trombino – 4 for 5 (.800), 1BB, 2 runs, sac fly

* Chad Garcia – 4 for 6 (.667), 1 BB, 4 runs

* Sport Playa – 4 for 7 (.571), 2 runs, 2 GIDP  :-(

Hitters Diploma Earners:

* Cap’n Ronbo – 3 for 6 (.500), 2 runs

* PHat – 3 for 6 (.500), run, new rule breaker

* Happy Place – 3 for 6 (.500)

Hitters Detention Earners:

* Shooter McGrath – 3 for 7 (.429), GIDP (oh-so-close to a GITP!)

* Dave Bosco – 2 for 6 (.333), new rule breaker

* The Beast – 1 for 4, (.250), BB, strong pitching when angry

Hitters Expelled From School:

* Silverback Steve – 0 for 3 (.000), but played through the pain (in loafers) ‘cuz we only had 10 guys

* Unka Steve – 0 for 3 (.000), GIDP, new rule breaker

D-Day … Has No Grade Point Average:

* Justin Patwin – n/a for pi (.eee), sac fly, no baserunning errors

Dear Warm ‘n Cuddly All-Loving Superbeing in the Sky,

Why have you taken our bats away?  More accurately, why can we no longer swing them, knowing as you do, that this is a semi-important capability for a softball team playing our arch-rivals, the DLA Headhunters?

Game One started typically.  In other words, through four innings the Rats managed to post four consecutive bagels.  Of course, this is not terribly difficult when you only get two hits in sixteen plate appearances. 

Fortunately, Frank “The Beast” Hufschmid was on the mound and brought his ‘A-game’ so our evil and foul-smelling opponents were equally bad at the dish.  Frank was ably backed by solid-and-occasionally-spectacular defense.  Collin “Leadoff Hitter Extraordinaire ” Toh turned in the standout play of the day, when he fielded a dying quail blooper in short right with his back to the infield and, in one motion, twisted his body and fired a strike to force the runner at second.  Hot damn!

In the top of the 5th the Rats managed to get the offense going.  By ‘getting the offense going’ we mean taking a few walks then squeaking out a solitary run before leaving the bases loaded. 

The top of the sixth saw the Rats double their lead when Adam “Do I Really Need to Run That Far?” Persson alertly stretched his leadoff single to reach third base on an overthrown ball by the defense.  And, the Rats once again doubled the lead in the top of the seventh inning, taking advantage of a leadoff error, two singles and a sac fly. 

So, with a 4-0 lead to defend, the Rats took the field in the bottom of the 7th.  >cue the foreboding music<  However, despite batting a meager .290 as a team, the Rats held the Headhunters scoreless and the game was in the bag!

Special notes must be made of the terrific pitching by The Beast, who tossed a hitter for his first ever complete game shutout.

Futile Gesture Award for the game goes to Phil ‘Vangina’ Van Dine, who hit safely from the 2-hole in his first two at bats since the Reagan era.  The futility part results from the fact that these were the only two hits posted by the 1-4 hitters.  Which brings us to the …

DumbAss Coaching Award for constructing this lineup!

Naturally the same four were at the top of the order for Game Two.  Let’s see how they did, shall we?

Rats 1-4 batters in the bottom of the first inning:  more of the same (single by Vangina and 3 outs).  Sigh.  So much for playing the odds.

Despite the antiheroics of the top of the order, the Rats managed to post three and two runs in the 2nd and 3rd innings respectively, with Chip-N-Dale Cappetta going yard.  A further 3-spot in the 5th put the game out of reach, with the Rats winning by a final score of 9-3.

In a reminder of how the universe always seems to balance the scales of justice, Frank K’d and had to buy the rest of us beers … on the same day he pitched two victories, while allowing only 3 unearned runs!  Thanks, dude!

Thusly did the Rats extend their string of improbable victories to remain perfect for the decade!

Batting Superheroes:

* Adam “Seriously, Doesn’t Anybody Else Wanna Coach These Losers?” Persson – 4 for 6 (.667), 3 runs scored

* Kevin “Apparently I Hit Better When I’m Coming Off A Bender” Weisgerber - 4 for 6 (.667)

* Daniel “Wow, Did You See That Play I Made at Third?!!” Heng – 3 for 5 (.600), sac fly, 1 run

Batting Plucky Sidekicks:

* Phil “Can a Brother Get a Little Help at the Top of Order?” Van Dine – 3 for 6 (.500), 2 runs

* Brian “I Promise to Do Something Massively Stupid Soon So I Can Get a Nickname” Porter – 2 for 5 (.400), BB, 2 runs

* Phil “Sport Playa” Lafferandre – 2 for 5 (.400), BB

Batting Innocent Bystanders:

* John “Chip-N-Dale” Cappetta – 2 for 6 (.333), HR, 2 runs

* Steve “I Should NOT Be Leading Off Innings FOUR Times, You Clowns” Davis – 2 for 6 (.333), 2 runs

* Matt “Please Ignore The First Game Performance” O’Malley – 2 for 6 (.333), run

Batting Evil Henchmen Cannon-Fodder:

* Frank “The Beast” Hufschmid – 1 for 5, K, shut out pitching, 0.00 ERA for 2 games!!

* Len “I’ve Been Hitting the Cover Off the Ball” – 1 for 6 (.167) In The Cleanup Spot (and that one hit was a measly blooper that had no right to fall safely)

Batting Super Villain:

* Collin “I Think I’ll Stick With My New Hitting Stance” Toh – 0 for 5 (.000) In The Leadoff Spot, BB

In case you were wondering about the source of that god-awful stench, we would like to inform you that the Brewerkz River Rats played a twin-bill versus their arch-rivals, the Wildcats.

Game One started okay.  With Methuselah Vertlieb on the mound, the Rats threw up a 3-spot in the first, led by Len “I Have Muscles on My Muscles” Kiczek’s dinger.  That lead was promptly erased when the Wildkittys plated 3 in the second.  Following two scoreless innings, the Rats recaptured the lead.  Clinging to a 2-run lead going to the seventh, the Rats came alive and scored 4 runs. 

Unhappily, the previously solid defense suddenly began emitting the aforementioned stench in the bottom of the seventh.  After maybe 85 dropped balls, overthrown cutoff men, etc. the Rats finally got the final out with the Wildfelines’ tying run on second base.

Offensive pink hats were earned by the K Brigade: Brian, James and Frank.  Defensive pink hats were too numerous to contemplate.  But at least there was plenty of beer in the dugout in between games!

Game Two started where Game One left off, e.g. stinkily.  After three innings the Rats were down 4-zip, and the team managed to send only 14 batters to the plate through the first four innings.  However, a four-spot in the 5th and solo run in the 6th, by way of Travis “Maybe I Should Stop Trying to Hit Homers All the Time” Washko’s single, gave the Rats a slender one run lead.

Of course, that would have been a two run lead had a certain someone (Justin “Hands of Stone” Patwin) not left third early on a sac fly tag up.

In any event, the odoriferous-but-doughty Rats managed to keep it held together for three more outs and secured the victory with a final score of 5-4.

K Brigade:  Greg!

Bill “I Am Some Kind of Sport Playa” Lafferandre Batting Average for the Decade Update:  Well, ‘ol Bill managed to poke a soft liner into left field barely over the shortstop, so his o-fer for the decade is now broken.  Officially Bill is now 1-for-2010, which is a batting average of .00049751.  (heh heh heh)

So, despite intermittently stinky fielding, deeply pungent hitting and an overall durian-esque effort, the Rats came away with their perfect record in 2010 still intact.

The good news is that the Rats are off this weekend, so the field will have an extra week to air out.

Lastly, does anyone know the local agent for Renuzit?  Maybe we can get them to sponsor the team, too.

Once again the Brewerkz River Rats laid their perfect-for-the-decade record on the line versus their arch-rivals, the VBears.  Despite a mid-week tally of 29 affirmations of attendance, the Rats only managed to field a baker’s dozen of players.

Shoring up the center of the infield defense and batting 1 & 2 were recent River Rat returnees, Collin Toh and Daniel Heng.  With international traveler Mumbles Vertlieb back prowling the sidelines, excellent coaching was on display as Collin and Daniel accounted for 2 hits, 5 walks and 6 runs scored in Game One.

Both games, in fact, were single ‘n walk fests.  Were it not for Len (6 for 8, 3 doubles) Kizcek’s heroic efforts to pummel the right field fence, the Rats would’ve had only one extra base hit all day!

Singaporerats.com is disappointed to report, that, although we won Game One 15-5, and Game Two 11-4, there were not so many boneheaded plays.  In fact, a mere solitary pink hat was earned (Greg Parker, looking K, heh heh).

Also worth mentioning is Bill “I’m Expecting a Hit Some Time this Decade” Lafferandre’s 0 for 6 and Harris “Yeah, But I Had a Walk, Too” Vertlieb’s 0 for 2.

Come on guys – Global Ratdom needs us to do more stupid stuff so we can enliven their wretched and pathetic lives away from Singapore.  But, if stupid stuff is required, I have faith that we’re just the guys to do it! 

And do it we will, in only 7 more days.

This past Sunday, the Brewerkz River Rats kicked off the new decade, otherwise to be referred to as ‘The 2010-2019 Campaign,’ in style playing a twin bill versus arch-rivals, the CAT/APL team.

With the holiday season barely ended and the US collegiate school year not yet underway, the Rats were the happy beneficiaries of the skills of a Gen 2 Rat, Russell Kreutter.  After CAT/APL plated a pair to start Game One, Russ kicked things off in the bottom of the first with a single and came around to score the game’s first run on Steve Davis’ homer to straight away center.

Following two innings where the Rats managed to avoid getting a runner past first base, the Rats re-took the lead in the 4th.  A further 5-run outburst in the 6th inning extended the Rats’ lead to 9-2.  Excellent defense was the watchword, as the Rats held our evil and pernicious opponents scoreless over the final 6 innings of the game.

Even more surprisingly, the team earned only a solitary pink hat.  Despite the paucity of pink, the hattable offense was a doozy as James ‘I Think the Bat is Just More Comfortable on My Shoulder’ Stanczak watched a strike three pitch landed squarely in the middle of the plate.

After a refreshing break, the Rats returned to the field of play.  Game Two started well, with the Rats scoring twice in the top of the first.  CAT/APL, however, answered with four runs to take a 4-2 lead.  The Rats’ bats immediately fell silent for the next two innings, but continued strong defense kept the team in the game.

Things started looking up with a leadoff single in the bottom of the fourth.  A 6-4-3 double play quickly erased that runner and the sad parade of non-hitting looked set to continue.  Then ---

suddenly ---

dramatically ---

--- an inspired coaching decision turned the tide.  With Steve Davis visiting the ‘lil Rats room, Old Man River Davis (Steve’s progenitor) stepped to the plate and calmly rapped a two-strike single to left.  Despite reports of there being a rather hunky mailman “delivering the mail” in the Davis family’s Seattle neighborhood some 40-odd years ago, we’re pretty sure the patrilineage is correct.  The evidence:  Big Daddy Davis’ injured hobble to first base!  I guess it runs in the family.

Well, that 2-out hit started a string of 7 consecutive Rats reaching base safely.  The key hit of the inning came when Adam ‘I Might as Well Get This Outta the Way’ Persson shocked everyone by knocking his annual single to right to drive in the go ahead runs.

Although CAT/APL scored a run in the bottom of the inning, the Rats continued to pile on runs, en route to a final score of 17-5.

And, lest we forget, the pink hat earner of this game was Brian Porter.

And, with that, the Brewerkz River Rats started decade two of the 21st century on a winning streak.  Tune in to www.singaporerats.com to see how long the streak lasts.

Hitting Valedictorians:

* Russ Kreutter – 6 for 7, .857

* Steve Davis – 4 for 5, .800, BB, dinger

Hitting Salutatorians:

* Daniel Heng – 2 for 3, .667, 2B, 3 BB

* Methuselah Davis – 2 for 3, .667

* Collin Toh – 3 for 5, .600

Hitting Sent to the Principal’s Office -ers:

* Brian Porter – 4 for 7, .571

* Adam Persson – 4 for 7, .571

Hitting Homeroom Detentioners:

* Tony Trombino – 3 for 7, .429

* Chad Garcia – 2 for 5, .400

Hitting Please Repeat the Graders:

* Greg Parker, 2 for 6, .333

* Kevin Weisgerber, 1 for 3, .333

* Steve Kreutter, 1 for 3, .333

* Frank Hufschmid, 1 for 3, .333

* Travis Washko, 2 for 7, .286

* James Stanczak, 1 for 5, .200